I wish I never had anyone love me.

That way, I wouldn’t know what it feels like.

As much as I love sleeping, recently my brain and memory seems to go into overload at night. It makes you realise how much things change, how quickly time passes and what else is coming in the future. Which leads onto me thinking about what things would be like if I had made different choices in life. It’s like I lay down then all of a sudden I have this stream of consciousness going on. It can be good to reminisce at night but then it just gets to the upsetting point of over thinking everything. SIGH. Let’s try and go to sleep again…

My favourite line from Misfits ever.

(Source: mandafailss)

Oh, the things I would do.

lokirulesmytardis 

"what a sorry picture memory offers, barely a shadow, barely in the realm of sight, the echo of a whisper."

- Ian McEwan

"

So he said, “Would it be alright
If we just sat and talked for a little while
If in exchange for your time I give you this smile?”

So she said, “That’s okay
As long as you can make a promise
Not to break my little heart
Or leave me all alone in the summer”

"

Panic! At the Disco

Too many terrible things are happening to good people.

I don’t know if the world is changing or I’m just getting more aware with age.

Exams and Education.

I feel the need to express my feelings for exams and education as a whole.

I generally seem to perform rather well in exams but I feel as though they are not a judgement of intelligence but only a measurement of memory. Before exams I spend all my time revising by reading text books and completing past papers just to prepare for one exam per subject because I want to come out with good grades. But then after all that, even if I don’t do well or I’m not happy with my grades I can just retake the exam again… Which is of course helpful for students but kind of goes against the idea of measuring intelligence. Then, when you have a grade you’ll settle for and worked for, that exam is completely forgotton because you’ll have another one round the corner.

I’m just getting annoyed with working hard, revising and trying to remember what teachers told me last year - which they did a poor job of teaching - getting a grade then it being forgotten about. Like GCSEs for example. I worked so hard for those and for what? I could have gone to college with all Cs and it wouldn’t have made a difference to where I am now. Some people may think these grades may get you a decent job… well many people lie to employers about the grades they receive so candidates with better grades will just lose out. Nobody asks for proof.

As much as I want to do well for myself, I work hard in order for me to feel like I did as much as I could and sometimes it angers me to know these results will have been forgotten about in two years time. Is revising and working hard now really worth me losing out on my teenage years and youth as a whole? I feel like I should be making memories with friends so I have postive things to remember, not working my whole life and spending time with a whole load of people I’m not keen on. Which brings me to my last point… I don’t like how only one aspect is taken into consideration and is assumed we should all have in common during the process of education. Our age. There are other ways we could and should be grouped by; our interests.